i tot i would have been able to take it better

something happened at home. my brother told me certain things juz now in the afternoon, and for a while, i went totally blanked out. i was quite lost, dunnoe what should i do.

there are certain things that i've been preparing myself for quite some time. soon after i stepped into army, i started to think about a lot of things. there are certain things that i have always been telling myself to be mentally prepared for. after so many years, i've tot that i shld have been able to take certain things or news quite well, since i've always been mentally preparing myself for it one day. but obviously, today proved me wrong. i wasn't really ready for anything.

my reaction did not come immediately after hearing what my brother told me. it was when my brother left the room, then i reacted a little bit more. i m not really afraid to say this, but i almost cried. hahaha... tears was rolling in my eyes, but i managed to keep it back. but i had to go thru a few cycles of almost crying and cool down, and almost crying and cool down. the saddest thing is recalling a short scene that happened juz in the morning. i tot it was nothing, but never did i realise that it was an outcome of some mishaps. but obviously, i have to keep my calm at home... at least not to show anything.

but nothing much to worry about, at least as of now. i checked it out online and it was not really a big deal.

but this little event really shows that i am not ready yet.