back from reservist

a trip to sungei gedong has rendered me rather physically weak...

it was quite alarming, while somehow still heartening too, that i managed to clinch a silver for my ippt even though i barely trained. i think... i did 2, or was it 3, runs before reservist... and it was like 2 weeks ago i think. surprisingly, i still managed to get 5 points for all my static stations, but flopped big time for my 2.4km timing. i had to whack myself damn hard to get a 11:56min timing... hahahahahaha

7 mths of inactivity... but at least i get my $200 and a jolly-good confirmation that i wun be able to clinch silver again next year if i do the way i did this year.

then, went outfield on wed morning, and fell out in the night 10+pm. kanna fever... 39.8. kanna sai.... got damn surprised. i wasn't feeling well... but wasn't feeling THAT unwell. but nonetheless, i spent a night at tengah airbase sickbay, and luckily without drip.

the best thing 452 did this year was to let us have an early out process. a supposedly sat out-pro was changed to friday. i am not complaining. but it really serve no purpose to always have a 6 days in camp while other reservist unit always chop chop curry pok. let juz hope such practices continue in this 452 battalion bah.

it comes from within rather than from without

it came from the one person whom i shared a little about my thoughts on msn one night

so true... yet... itz myself that i have problem managing... hah

tired

feeling very tired... am bothered with many issues and i feel shit in not knowing what i shld do next...

keep wondering what i've done is correct, or not. yet, i've never manage to find an answer to it. things swirl around, and mind keep spinning. i've always told myself and others, itz always not a good thing to "think too much". yet, this time round, i have problems curbing myself.

i have problems handling the present, and i have problems forgetting the past. little things that trigger certain past events makes me especially unhappy these days. i try my best to come to terms with them, and accept, forgive, and forget. yet, i have not been very successful with all of them.

it feels damn shit to force yourself to do something u really dun want to. and itz made worse simply because the initial mindset was already warped. i dun have a lot of principles in life. but i feel strongly in those that i hold. yet, i am weak enough to succumb to external factors due to mistakes that i've made.

i am confused and dun really know how to articulate myself well. feeling a little bit alone and tired in this struggle, and uncertain about whatz right and wrong, whatz going to happen next and whatz i shld do next...

perhaps, i am not ready yet

end of NUS

cos, end of commencement.

now quite tired. see next time got mood then write more.

good nite.