need to complain

feels like dying studying Jap....

really, this is the biggest mistake i've made so far in NUS.

itz not difficult... itz just freaking tedious. memorise memorise and memorise.

i've confirmed. i have no flair in language. i have no flair in memory work either.

one week into PGP

i am really surprised with what people search in google. i found the following referrals from my sitemeter:-

1) someone searched "7 principles of engineering" in google.
2) someone searched "Falcon Greylord" in google. is someone looking for me?
3) someone searched "Azur 4200 Iron" in yahoo. Azur 4200 is an iron manufactured by Philips Electronic Singapore. I dun think people call this iron as Azur 4200 in the market.

and what a surprised. Encik Sunny juz smsed me for Guoliang's contact. Of cos, i never reply him. Then, that bugger called me. Lucky my handphone can turn the ringing to silence. That idiot, want to call me also dun sms me first lah!! Fucker, smsed liaoz i have his number, then when he call, who will go and pick up. Siaoz... still dare to call himself encik... confirm trying to find someone to lend him money. he has been using his father as an excuse. say his father going to die... what a son.

anyway, i have moved in PGP for 1 week. quite shiok. i like the freedom, and the feeling of being in NUS when i wake up. Not that i like being in NUS, but since i have to come to school everyday, i really hate traveling for that 1+ hr. Waking up in NUS means, i dun need to travel. damn shiok.

but heng this week is the recess week... so i went out quite a few times, and heck my dreadful japanese language. shack siah... jap is really going to kill me.

think i better go study my jap liaoz. i wanted to start studying at around 7pm one... now itz 8pm liaoz...

fuck siah...

moving out

from today onwards, i am moving out from home to NUS liaoz...

have got myself a room in PGP. obviously, thatz not my fav spot, since itz kinda far from engineering. wld love to stay in old KR, since itz just beside YIH. cheers, old changkee, subway, and all etc are juz beside. super convenient. plus the fact that daida they all are in old KR, that will make discussion for SDP much easier.

anyway, have not been touching my books at all for quite some time. i got a bit lerthargic after the concert, and din really feel like doing anything. on friday till today, din touch my studies at all too. after jap on fri, clean my room till 7:45pm, followed by meeting dq greg and ben. sat is another full day, but an enjoyable day though. sunday is super slack.

time to move into PGP. time to be focused. time to start mugging all over again. i want to be super good in my Jap, FYP and SDP. decision analysis is not important.

Post Concert Thoughts

Finally, the performance is over... from now onwards, i wun be so stressed anymore.... whahahha... and can have more time for my FYP

FIVE, is a good name for this concert. 5 years, is really a very long period of time... I really find it very long.

I started planning Consonance in year 2001 december... and met up with the working group people and started planning in january year 2002. From then onwards, my life has been revolving around Consonance. In a blink of an eye, 5 years have passed. In between these 5 years, I've went through so much changes, seen so many things, encountered so many problems, and saw many of my closest friends plunged into the worst period of their life (wait, they had a bad time not because they joined Consonance... hahahahaha).

I've never missed a single project in the whole span of Consonance existence. However, there wasn't a single time i really felt that i was in peak form to perform.

In 2002 Synergy, due to certain personal problems with a close friend, I didn't really generate the mood to perform.

In 2002 Cadenza, the whole planning and fatigue, and going thru army, and finding out many things had also spoilt my mood in performing. Cadenza 2002 was another rushed performance. It was super difficult to coordinate everything well, especially when we need to cater to NYJC choir's timetable. Plus the fact that I was undergoing some very bad period of my life then. It was damn tough for me. And that basically burnt me out entirely.

In 2003 MDIS, it was the only performance for the whole of year 2003. Simple performance. Consonance went thru its darkest period then. The thought of disbanding was strongest then.

In 2004 Amadeus collaboration. It was a decent performance. Amadeus is a good choir. Practising with them had really improves my musical appreciation, and my singing. But, at the end of the day, i wasn't close to Amadeus. I couldn't really generate a sense of closeness with them. I din feel much before stepping up for performance. No anxiety, no nothing. It was juz another performance to me afterall. Plus the fact, my voice went very haywired during rehearsal, and it affected the whole of my performance on that night itself. While that might be a decent choral concert, the concert itself wasn't that special to me.

In 2005 Listenin'. Collaborated with Mayflower Secondary School. That time, the performance date kanna exactly on my reservist period. It was a miracle that i finally managed to get day off and join the concert. But, my voice totally gone. Training, and inhaling too much of cigarette smoke totally spoilt my voice. I went for rehearsal with a super hoarse voice. I simply whack through the whole performance, but forcing myself not to cough on stage, swallow packets of lozenges, and drank buckets of water. But the performance wasn't a fantastic one at the end of the day. Mayflower's not a very good choir, and their performance was generally not very well received. Consonance's performance wasn't tip top too, and i sang with a shitty throat.

In 2006 FIVE. My voice was quite on form for the night, first time after 5 whole years. hahahahah.... I was stressed and worried. I was anxious, and can't wait to perform. I had the feeling and emotions of singing a concert, which i lost ever since JC2. Among the 5 years, this is the most special concert for me.

I have to say, that this concert has been really a rush. A lot of things are churned out in the last min. In terms of singing, itz not very prepared either. Everything, and everyone, was jittery. It might not even be the best performance out of the whole 5 years. The planning, the real work, and everything, went haywired here and there. Yet, this is still the most special concert to me. Why? There are a lot of reasons.

I think, while there are quite a few songs we eventually never do justice, there are a few songs which i think we really made the mark. In certain aspects, I have really witness the growth in Consonance. While this might not be the best performance Consonance is capable of, I feel a great sense of accomplishments. There are so many things that i feel so proud of Consonance. I really feel that, Consonance is capable of doing something really good, as long as everyone is willing to put in the effort. The biggest regret, or difficulty is, the euphoria will only be injected near, during, and after a concert. During practices, things can be quite dulled. But if everyone can juz whack, and be committed, I feel Consonance can do so much more. In fact, I seriously feel that Consonance is no where poorer than good choirs like Amadeus, Victoria Chorale or Vocal Consort. It juz lack the drive.

There are certain things which i refrained from telling most people in choir, but i guess after concert, its time to make certain things public.

Why this concert was highly meaningful to me, is because the tot of leaving after the concert came to me before. The tot of this might juz be my last performance for some time, made me clinched on more tightly to this concert. The thought of leaving was not an impulsive thought. Like i say, 5 years has been very long. For 5 whole years, I have been in the comm. My drive, and passion to serve has really dwindled. Part of the reason why Consonance is lacking drive, is really because I myself being a leader is lacking the drive. I have felt that, my presence in Consonance is doing more harm than good for both the choir and myself. I need to move on, so is Consonance. If i continue to be in Consonance, certain things will always fall back on me again. In this way, neither me nor Consonance can move on. That's what i really feel.

Consonance is already a part of my life. It involves and taken my most youthful time. Tons of efforts and emotions has been pumped into this group. It has come to be as important as family is to me. To have a thought of leaving, and making certain decisions, is kinda gruelling for me.

I will not quit Consonance altogether. It is still too difficult for me to do so. At most, I will only be stepping out of it for some moments.

But no worries, I have not come to a final decision yet, on whether to leave Consonance or not. But I do know, I really intend to step down already. And, there is still this one project, that there is no way I will miss. That is, to sing for Benedict's marriage. Ben has given up a lot for Consonance. To sing for his marriage, is the least I can do to return him the favour.

Post concert thoughts, happy and sad at the same time. But, after so many years, the sense of lost after concert is finally back to me again.

That's why, FIVE is a special concert to me.

no worries

don't worry. nothing is happening to me.

but i am fucking tight for time.... somehow i think i am juggling too many balls at one time. the FYP is a constant bother... having to come to terms of not reading journal papers, and have to piah 500+ pages of Automod's Getting started with Automod, and afterwhich i might have to piah another 1000+ pages of Automod's Main Manual. What's worse is, the Automod i am learning now is version 11.1, and i might have to use the newest version 12 to code my simulation model.

juz met up with the PSA project coordinator, and discussed rather thoroughly and detailedly how my model eventually should look like... fuck siah... going to be fucking complicated. probably much more complicated than the one i've coded for my simulation module project. that was bad enuff... and i have not much time to properly sit down and start designing. but really, i am quite excited to start coding. itz going to be quite intellectually challenging.

the SDP (system design project) is another shit. haven't started much on the project. will have to go to NUH tuesday again to look at the process more detailedly too. probably another automod model. heng this one is team project.

Japanese 1... itz shld be quite obvious. tremendous amount of things to memorise... and i am freaking lousy at memory work. freaking lousy. plus, i am not good with languages. this is taking me a lot a lot of time.

choir concert. more and more shit. hahaha...

tuition. haven't manage to find time to sit down and read my o lvl physics too. how?!?!

plus the fact, this sem quite low morale. cannot really concentrate. plus, i keep watching shows. Han Wu Da Di... 64 episodes in total. watched 19 episodes liaoz. still got 45 more to go....

a lot of my time are spent sleeping, watching Han Wu Da Di, leaving less time to work. gotta quickly finish up Han Wu Da Di, then i wun sleep late at night, so i can wake up early in the morning, and then i will have more time.