i've been in an emotional low for the past 1 mth. nothing has been going really well for me in anything that i've been doing. not doing well in my work, my cfa is very highly likely going to fail, my memory has been failing me...

this one month has been really a test of my own belief in my own capability. and this one month has been really a time to think through what is really important in my life.

so, what really motivates me? a fantastic career? i am having a really good and promising job right now, but i am not happy. one thing, the job is not something i wanted in the first place. second, i feel i m not up to the job. there isn't really a very good job fit bah... between me and my position.

i think, what really motivates me is, to make my parents happy, my friends happy and make my gf happy. but for all three, i think i've done a good job. parents, i am preoccupied with my own thoughts, work and cfa. friends, i've not been turning up for choir, nor really going out to know how my friends are doing. gf, i think i've not been a really good boyfriend.

but one thing has to be settled at a time. it is probably too ambitious to want to achieve everything all at one time bah. once one thing settled, the rest will fall in place naturally.

so i guess, the first and the most important thing is to pick myself up again bah... and also to try to stop a bad "habit" which my gf really dun like.

stand up, wenquan, stand up.

an enormous feeling of...

accomplishment....

i am joking.

i am feeling a huge sense of incompetency...