arghhh fuck. i m falling into a loop.

好累

First day at work

first day at work, have more or less settled all the adminstrative issues i guess.

have already gotten my company personal laptop, got the SecurID card for home access, activated it, applied for corporate credit card and singtel IDD card, got my cordless office phone, completed 2 online onboarding lessons (business conduct and IT), got all my computer and internet access passwords, completed all the online personal data forms and etc.

tml start training from some of the managers.

new to lotus note, dun really know how to work with it. had some problems and communicated to IT to settle it.

a bit lonely. probably the only new hire that reported work today.

feeling unfocused in reading things. including my own cfa examination materials.

feeling as if i am getting stupier as time goes by. memory like shit. cannot seems to remember stuffs, and having difficulty in reading things.

but heck. let's see what happens tml.

was watching 白色巨塔 last episode on saturday. never really chasing the show, but here and there when i realised it is showing on the tv will catch a few glimpses.

得到的心得是, no one is that important, to the world, or to anyone else. the world continues to spin with you, or not.

keep relying on each other, but stay independent too.

stupid 心得, i know.

i was reading back some old posts till around april.

then i realised, i have only left NUS for like 4-5 mths!? furthermore, among that 4-5 mths, 1+ mths was holidaying.

why do i feel i have aged in juz 5 mths? hahaha~~~ (maybe because of too many emotional and mental burdens/thoughts/struggles bah)

one of the posts mentioned about me feeling burnt out. rite now, i dun feel so but since i am holidaying now, itz probably inaccurate. but i know i have been a little bit procrastinating. which is, very normal of myself, whether am i burnt out or not. i tend to stare blankly into space.

hopefully, i will be super motivated when i join P&G on 15 oct. but for now, i juz look forward to a very short trip to phuket bah.

gf coming back soon. a good thing.

funny

it is always interesting to find out how some of the visitors found out about this blog page. other than the common referrals from hardwarezone.com, or from google searches on "PC1432 midterm", "maersk aptitude test", "P&G interviews" etc, there is something that is kinda funny.

someone actually googled "lin zhengchang" +stupid....

hahahahaha

Resignation

Yesterday (monday) was my last working day in TECH Semiconductor.

my stay in the company was a short one. a mere 3 mths stay, i am really not in a position to comment much about the company. moreover, my initial mentality upon entrance was already a foul one. due to a myriad of reasons, most of which were due to my own incapabilities, i was left with "no choice" but to join the company first while looking at other possible opportunities. why "no choice", why the inverted commas? because, no choice itself is crap. i could always have quit before joining, and continue to look for jobs then. but i still decided to join the company to earn some cash. haha...

a lot of people told me, there is nothing wrong in doing so. many told me itz only logical to work, earn and safeguard urself, but look for jobs at the same time. take MCs, leaves for interviews, and take until the company cannot take it anymore. it was even termed "stupid" if i dun do so. lotsa people did the same thing as myself. a lot more people probably were more extreme. on my last day, my senior in Tech told me, there were a few people who practically claimed OT (TECH Semiconductor pays people for doing OT) simply for sleeping in the company, go out play games but claimed "OT" when coming back to company to bathe blah blah blah. Max out every month, then quit before confirmation. power lei...

right or wrong, it is really based on perspective. in a society that has a pretty warped view of right and wrong, perhaps there is really nothing wrong to "cheat" the company's money in this way. standing on a very immature level, i dun feel right doing so. perhaps i would have given the same advice to other people if they were in the same shoe as i was, but having gone thru it myself, i still dun feel it being "right". but there are always excuses to console myself. like for example, ultimately, no one will really be taking care of me. at least, the company wun unless there are mutual benefits. i will have to take care of myself.

i wouldn't say my stay in the 3 mths was enjoyable. however, it was not enjoyable not because of the company, not because of the environment, and not because of the people in the company. it was shitty because of myself. factors includes a foul mentality, a little bit of guilty conscience, worries of having lost too many opportunities, lack of confidence of myself, thinking of how to cheat myself out to go for interviews, trying to do too many things at one time, plus a few others personal thoughts. hard to be too fun with so many thoughts in my mind. there and above, with all these nagging factors, it makes it even more difficult to concentrate and give my best during my stay to make myself feels better. a vicious cycle.

however, it would be unfair to say the 3mths was without fun. i have had a few pleasant surprises in tech.

one, being its people. while the wave training (training for all new entrants) was really crappy and pointless, i get to know very nice people from my own wave 142. a bunch of weirdos, our wave was really unique, and cohesive. super "siao-on" people, it makes me feels very comfortable. in fact, the experience reminded me why i even started to set up consonance 6 years ago. some good times together, and a lot of crappy jokes and laughter, i truly enjoyed and appreciate the time spent fooling around with them.

next, is the people in my own department. also a bunch of talk-cock kias, we often had lunch outside the company. crapping outside about bosses and etc, it makes my gossip antenna grew much longer than most of my other wavemates. hahaha... on a more serious note, there are a few interesting perspective from these people whom have worked in company for a few years, and i m glad that they shared selflessly with me. despite having very bad working schedule, they tried to take as much time out as possible to coach me, while making me comfortable. even after they knew about my impending departure, they were still ready to coach me, because they think that is only right. i believe most people, having known someone is going to leave for sure, they probably will feel that spending too much time coaching him/her further is a waste of time. but no, not for them. henceforth, the people factor has been the biggest pulling factor preventing me to quit.

third, i had a pay rise in just 2 mths into the work. plus the direction the section manager is putting me onto, it does seems promising (vertically) if i work hard enough. there and above, although i dun think my SM is very zai as a supervisor, i think the manager (one level higher than SM) is pretty power. he knows his stuffs, and he does seems very decent person for a supervisor. generally, people in planning department is a notch higher in calibre in some other departments i observed.

while the above are real and seemingly promising, i decided to leave. making such a decision is shitty. making such a decision is irresponsible. making such a decision make me took back certain words/promises that i made during interview. making such a decision makes me feel apologetic to my manager. but i still make this decision.

and i know the reasons behind my decision. and many reasons they are, more of personal related than work related. at the end of the day, there is a risk involved, and my decision may not be correct or to my best benefits. but the day has not ended, so itz up to me to try to make it correct.

Goodbye, Techsemiconductor. Hello, Procter & Gamble.

afterthoughts

after reading a particular comment from a particular person, i have this question in my mind.

"sometimes i really wonder, are u stupid or what?"

but of cos, the question continue to stay in my mind, thatz all. haha...

anyway, at least it reminded me of something. some "advice" are better left unsaid, especially when it is made without a good grounding/knowledge of events. if advice made are good, then okay, u win. if advice made are lousy, it will not give you any problem either. the consequences will only be borne by the listener shld he/she heeds them.

it is especially worse when the person giving advice is mostly judged as incapable.

anyway, 2 weeks break coming soon.