i very bo liaoz

79 words

Speed test

i think i am very talented in studying....

if not in studying, at least in taking exams...

sometimes i feel it is a bit scary to part of a global project, and the level of involvement and ownership in the tasks.

still not sure whether is it me, or what. but definitely i dun find it an easy management.

these few days watching tv give me some thoughts.

get back to work.

what should my resolutions be?

still thinking... have a couple already though

looking back at my past year resolutions, i achieved a few, and missed a few. as for the others, probably achieved 50% of them.

1) achieved. i got my first class honors.
2) did not achieve. i still quite unfocused. this is going to be part of this year's resolution.
3) 50%. ran a bit in the first half of the year, did not run anymore after a while. shit. this one too for this year.
4) 50%. i am reading newspaper... was consistently. now not really.
5) 50%. also did read more widely for a while... and never again.
6) achieved. i've not only found a job... i found a couple of them.
7) achieved. i travelled quite a bit last year.
8) 50%. i did not rejoin consonance 6 mths later... but made appearances. but now i guess i am back.
9) did not achieve. i guess i did not try out any new sport or activity.
10) 50%. did not actively keep in touch with many people, but did actively participate in outing if someone organises them. also did catch up with a few people online here and there sometimes... only sometimes.
11) 50%.
12) i shall not give myself marks for this.

this year... i guess my resolution should be something more... measurable.

end of 2007

"If you think back and replay your year, if it doesn't bring you tears either of joy or sadness, consider it wasted."

- Ally McBeal

it's that time of the year again - the last day of the year. when i was thinking of writing this post, i recalled the above quote mentioned on the last episode of the first season Ally McBeal, which i watched a very long time ago.

by virtue of that quote, i guess i can say my 2007 is not wasted bah.

2007 had been a year of great changes. 2007 had also been a year i moved around most. 2007 had been a year of achievements. or rather, a year whereby my achievements from many years of effort materialized. 2007 had also been a year whereby i was worst hit by morale and emotions. 2007 had been a year of many first times. 2007 had also been year whereby i hope some of these "first-time" will not have a second time.

1. a year where i travelled the most.

in this single year, i went to Genting in February, Redang in April, 广州，青岛，上海，成都 in May-July. At 成都 alone, other than the citystate, I've visited 峨眉山, 乐山大佛, 九寨沟，黄龙，青城山，and 都江堰. In July, I went to Phuket Thailand. In Dec, I made a short visit to Batam. At the end of 2006 Dec, I also went to Ipoh and Malacca. Projecting towards 2008, i doubt I will be able to visit so many places again. Well, actually maybe, yes. At least for one, I already know I will be visiting Europe in July. The first half of the year 2008, I'll probably have some time to make some visits to other places. Will see how.

2. a year where i lost a friend forever

this is definitely one of those first-times i hope will not repeat. i lost a close friend, forever. thinking back, i am still in a bit of shock recalling the moment i received the call. however, it happened means it happened. nothing we can do to turn back the clock. but it hurts to recall what he wrote on a christmas card for me on 2001.

3. a year where i gave my parents money

drawing my first 3k paycheck felt good. but it was no where close to how i felt when i drew money and gave them to my parents. it was no big amount. $400 was what i decided to give them, every month. but it felt good. i hope they felt as good receiving them as i felt giving them.

4. a year where i end 18 years of academic

i graduated from NUS. i got my first class honours. i achieved the goal which i set out for myself 4 years ago before, and after, leaving army. i said i will get it, and i got it, and more. i was the second highest CAP for my ISE cohort, and was chosen to be one of the valedictorians. i got 2 awards, IES Gold Medalist, and Intel Gold Medal and Prize. i was the first to be presented of the bachelor scroll on stage for my cohort. sounds cocky? haha... i think this is the only achievement i made this year. but reading back my old posts, i recalled what kinda shit i went through for my FYP and SDP. but then, my SDP group is the king of fabrications.

5. a year where i first learn how to find a job, go interview, and impress during interviews

i din really apply for jobs during 2006. 2007 was the year i felt hong gan, and apply. but then, things din turn up too well during my school term. look for jobs, go for career talks, apply for jobs, go for job interviews took a lot a lot of my time. end up cannot study, cannot do FYP, cannot do SDP, cannot run, cannot pak tor, cannot play (...and so on). after given myself enough excuses, i stop applying for jobs and concentrate in making sure i get my first class. even though towards the end, i was still unsure (since i know where i made a FATAL error in my FYP). so, even after i graduated, i haven't secured a so-called "good" job. + the grad trip i went, i missed even more opportunities. but then, i guessed i honed my interview skills good enough, that after i came back from grad trip, every interview i went is a bull-eye. apply once, and i get it. at the end, i still never really prepare for job interviews like the way other people did. i'm not proud of that. in fact, i felt pretty ashamed.

6. a year where i took CFA, and think i might fail

i very bo liaoz. graduated liaoz still go take external exams. end up dunno will pass or not. jan 20th i will tell you again.

7. a year where i realised someone posted my blog on www.hardwarezone.com forum

mai siao siao... got shocked when i found out. and mai siao siao... someone googled "lin zhengchang + stupid" and found my blog.

8. oh, 2007 also a year whereby i realised published papers are crap

cos they actually published my FYP as a paper. those people tau nao pai ker.

9. a year where i broke a my record of high fever

i had a 39.8 degree fever when i was back in reservist... but surprisingly, i didn't fell too weak.

10. a year where i first started to work, and also a year where i changed a job

to be honest, i probably started this new phase of life in a very bad way. a lot of personal factors are reasons/excuses behind it. these may not be valid or good reasons, but sometimes, internal or external factors do affect judgements and emotions, whether or not they are valid. especially when emotions are already stirred due to a myriad of reasons.

all in all, i cannot say that i regret joining TECH. simply because, i really made some good friends over there. and that has really leave a good fond memory behind. however, i don't feel good joining the company when i know i will quit soon. it felt like betrayal, a breeching of trust. some people will say, you have to give urself the chance, and also the company the chance. but did i really give TECH the chance? i would say it was a clear, but difficult, decision to quit TECH. some other people will say, it is juz logical to work first, and continue to shop. get the money mah... perhaps that was a more "mature" perspective. but honestly, i dun feel it is right. that's why, i felt really shitty to join tech. i made the decision of joining them for a while because i need money. practical reasons of life. but it's not right, so i felt bad.

then come P&G... it's a whole new story. the total opposite side. haha... what an irony man. i have been thinking, what if i had managed to join P&G at the very start of this phase, would everything be better? i will never know the outcome though. stupid reasons, stupid woes. stupid things that affected me, but i learn and grow. i got to know myself a lot better. emotions, my limits, value judgments of myself and others, what i can take up and put down... a lot of things came from within, rather than from without. a friend told me something that his friend told him.

"if your life sucks, it's because you let it be so."

okay, fair enough. agreed. i have had problems handling the past and present, and that made me felt i won't be able to handle the future. so probably, this can be part of my 2008 resolutions bah. hahah...

11. a year where i have relationship high and woes

this year, there were some very good times in my relationship, there were some very bad times in the relationship too. glad that things are much better now. hopefully both of us got to know each other better, and know what should be done and what should not be done.

in summary,

i would say that 2007 had not been a very good year for me. yeah, there were some really proud moments. i've also gotten a few good things. but on the whole, i've suffered defeats, been on an emotional low, and learnt a lot of bad truths. maybe i expect too much to happen, and too much of myself. this is something a lot of people have been telling me.

good times, bad times, 2007 was a year of learning, and recogising myself and many more. but sad to say, i've not penned down too much thoughts. i will start to pen them down as i recollect more. haha..

hopefully, 2008 will be a much better year. i'll leave the resolutions to another time.

i will wake up tomorrow, saying to myself "Today is going to be a... less bad day. I can feel it. Sometimes when i wake up, i know everything is going to be... less bad" (yes, it's another Ally McBeal's quote)

3 nights of simple meet up

simple dinner, simple conversations, simple updates of each other's life, and simple laughters.

simplicity is best.

simple meet ups like these are rejuvenating. it is always good to know there are people around you who genuinely cares, and give simple sms/calls/emails to ask how are you doing, especially in a period of unknown, lost and worries.

life will continue to be in the better... hopefully!

end of 1 issue

right, i juz took my CFA just now. it's been a long time since i did a 6 hours long examination. the 6 hours split into 2 3-hour sessions though. but nonetheless, it is madness, and super draining. but well, at least it is over.

have to say, not only it has been a long time since i took such a lengthy exams, it has also been a long time since i feel so helpless doing the examination. a lot of things is read and forget, and with my lousy memory, it is all the more so. hence, cfa, being something like JC's memorise-and-u-get-the-highest kinda thing, it was quite tough for me. anyway, juz hope to pass. nothing much i can do. anyway, is already damn glad that it is past me.

after the exams, went to eat seafood with chen juan and weizhi. good dinner, but back home, i have to face the shit - work. back home at 8:35, bathed and washed up by 9pm, but i really couldn't make myself to switch on the laptop to work. instead, i went to read blogs and tidy up some admins in my room, like shelve all my cfa books away etc.

but i still have to face it. work from 10:30 till now... a lot of emails. accessing through VPN from home is super slow....

time to sleep and face the music tml. let's see if i can endure a 16 hours marathon everyday at work for the next 1 mth. if i can make it, then i make it. if i cannot make it, then maybe it's time to get my year-end bonus and kiss the mama goodbye.